This post contains the consolidated chapter notes and summaries from the book ‘Never Eat Alone’.

I came to the (belated) realization that making and posting individual single chapter summaries is kinda dumb. It psychologically hinders me from continuously reading the book when I feel obligated to write summaries after every chapter. I’ll simply have a unified summary post moving forward where this post will get appended with new additions when I’m ready to write them.

Chapter 13 - Follow Up or Fail

The importance of following up.

• The worst that can happen is not failure, but being forgotten.
• Drop a message, a note, an email. Whatever works. Do it after meeting someone new.
  • eg. share your thoughts on their talk
• Following up is the extra step to stay in someone’s mind space.
• It is the key to success in any field

Chapter 14 - Be a conference commando

• Battles are won before the first shot is fired.
• Find out who is attending and research about them.
• ‘Bump’ into them and start talking
• Be the person who knows the program well so people will come to you for information.
• Volunteer to help with the event
• Be the first/one of the first to ask questions after a talk
• Approach speakers before they go on stage
• Try to host a talk of your own

Chapter 15 - Connect with Connectors

• Six degrees of separation is true because there are people who are super connectors. They are hyper social people whose social circle outsizes everyone else.
• “Strength of Weak Ties”
  • More than half of job seekers land job offers via their connections. A large part of them aren’t even close to the person!

Chapter 16 - Expanding Your Circle

• Share connections between different circles.
• Be mindful of compatibility
• Do it centered around an event - it could be simple gathering or a cause.
• Don’t give your entire circle. It’s not a free for all. Make sure your circle and the other party can benefit mutually.

Chapter 17 - The Art of Small Talk

• Small talk is an acquired skill
• Many guides get it wrong
• The key to a genuine connection is to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to share and be open about yourself.

Book Recommendation

Daring Greatly

How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

– Brené Brown

• Non-verbal Cues
  • People subconsciously decide whether they like you or not in a few seconds.
  • Maintain good balance of eye contact
  • Be relaxed, attentive
• Learn to touch people. Shake hands.
  • Shake with both hands
  • Touch their elbow(?!)
• Be sincere, make the other person feel special
• Develop conversation currency
  • Keep up with current events.
  • Have niche interests that you can talk about passionately
  • remember not to monopolize the conversation
• ‘Johari Window’
  • The ‘window’ in which people are willing to share/open up about themselves. Adjust yours to reciprocate others.
• Exit gracefully
• GPA isn’t the main factor that determines success, but rather, how social they are.

Book Recommendation

How to Win Friends and Influence People

– Dale Carnegie

Chapter 18 - Health, Wealth, and Children

There are few things in life that are universally at the core of people. And those things are the above. If you can help someone with any of those things then it’ll really connect with them on a deep level.

Chapter 19 - Social Arbitrage

• Think in terms of problem solving for other people.
• Sort of like playing the match-maker for people. Match the person who has a problem and the person who might/should have the connections or expertise to solve that problem.
• If your web of connections is thin, use knowledge as your currency. Everyone, no matter their position, values good and relevant knowledge. Make summaries, notes and choose your audience. Keep it targeted.

Chapter 20 - Pinging

• The secret to maintaining so many relationships is pinging.
• Email, call, 1-1/face to face meetings
• Categorize contacts by how close/whether you want to strengthen the relationship.
• Contact those you’re closer with more frequently. And vice versa.
• Don’t spam
• If you emailed last time, call next time
• Use social media
• A contact that is not maintained withers away.

Chapter 21 - Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them

• Chapter focuses on the effectiveness of hosting dinner parties to build relationships with others.
• The author describes how he started doing this as a student in college. He invites friends, professors, and even strangers to his small 1-bedroom apartment to have dinner and mingle.
• These days his parties are much more sophisticated with caterers, musicians, high ranking guests. But he said it doesn’t have to be.
• People usually don’t intermingle outside their social circles naturally, that’s why you need “anchor guests”.. or “tenants”.
• Everyone in a peer group has a bridge to someone outside. They are anchor tenants. They are recurring characters that your peer mentions who are outside your group.
• Anyone can be an anchor tenant. They can add spice to the conversation.
• Six to ten guests is the optimal number.
• If some people can’t really make it, you can just invite them to join for appetizers before the party or for desserts towards the end.
• Wine is the key. Simple but have plenty.
• There is only one rule: Have fun.

Pointers

1. Create a theme. It can be anything.
2. Use invitations. People are busy. Send invites one month in advance.
3. Don’t be a kitchen slave. Prep everything beforehand. Keep it simple.
4. Create atmosphere. Lighting, props, music.
5. Don’t seat couples together. It gets boring.
6. Forget being formal. Go casual.
7. Relax. As the host, guests imitate you. Relax!
8. Host a virtual after-party. Thank people & share photos after.

Connecting in the Digital Age

Chapter 22 - Tap the Fringe

These days when we look at our social feeds, what pops up more often than not are things that aren’t useful to us. We have our close circle of relationships that we maintain by face-to-face meetings. But we also have a lot more people we aren’t that close to that we are connected online–the fringe.

To most, the fringe is a source of slop. But it can be a powerful resource when carefully curated. Useful information can surface in these feeds. People nowadays can share privileged information online that would’ve counted as insider knowledge pre-internet.

• “The strength of weak ties”. It would be crazy to ignore this resource.
• Don’t just accept every LinkedIn connection. At least know who they are. At least share a brief conversation.
• Create lists of people on social networks that correspond to different niches. Perusing their feeds gives you a look into what’s going on in their world.
• Be mindful. Social media is addictive. Only use otherwise unproductive time to scroll.